Happy Mall Fun Time
by Salome Sensei
Summary: Demon!Alois drags Demon!Ciel to the mall, butlers in tow.  WTFLOL ensues.


22 Aug 2011

Note: This cracktacular Kiriban fic was written for dA's akkanomeru with the prompt of "Alois dragging Ciel out on a double date." It is post-season 2 anime with the premise that Claude makes Alois a demon when Ciel becomes one.

Happy Mall Fun Time

Sebastian's eyes widened as Claude approached with an amply laden red plastic tray, filled with what might be describable as edible, but then again might not. Mounded greasy strips of potato, starchy buns filled with fried meat products, thick frosty milk and sugar drinks: it was all simply dreadful to look upon (let alone smell) for a butler as skilled as Sebastian. Alois, however, was standing on a chair, applauding merrily as Claude danced over with the massive pile of foodstuffs.

One of the privileges of being a demon was time travel, and the budding demons, Ciel Phantomhive and the little monster who went by the name of Alois Trancy, had demanded some exercise of freedom. At first, Sebastian was only too delighted to obey the young crimson-eyed master, but he grossly misinterpreted. He had thought "freedom" meant roaming through the ages, sucking souls. It did not, however. It meant going to the mall.

Ciel, of course, did not know what a "mall" was, so it was quickly obvious to Sebastian that the demand was instigated by Claude, with the conniving assistance of his blonde charge.

"You lost the bet over who'd claim his tenth soul," chirruped Alois. "So now it's my turn to decide where we go next." He sparkled with mischief, making Sebastian frown.

Ciel, turning to catch Sebastian's displeasure, agreed without further ado. "It had better not be as boring as the trip to the Neolithic," he warned.

The game was - as it had been since Sebastian first appeared before Ciel to offer the contract that had become eternal - on. Sebastian could not help but take pride in Ciel's delight in manipulating his demonic butler. That was something that swelled from their earliest days, too. But now there was a brighter edge to it, sharp and dangerous, yet with a touch of playfulness that their previous life had lacked. Becoming a demon had been good for the boy, Sebastian concluded, making an eternity of serving one forever-young master far less of a trial than he had at first anticipated.

This said, a trip to a twenty-first century shopping mall in Mount Prospect, Illinois, United States of America? Not exactly a delight.

Demons have no need of eating food, of course, but the little Alois creature seemed to prefer perversity to sense in every way, including this. He scarfed down little bits of battered almost-chicken, tossing them in the air and catching them in his wide mouth while Ciel, after one nibble, sat and groaned. Sebastian enjoyed Ciel's sulkiness, and sulking he most certainly was. He was no ghoul, of course. Dispatching an enemy or engaging in physical or intellectual combat was pleasurable for the long-lived demon, but it wasn't as if misery-for-misery's-sake did much for him. Ciel's misery, however, was a unique flavor. Even when there was little to be unhappy about (he was a powerful, immortal demon with a butler to fulfill his every whim, was he not?), he still managed to brood. No, there never had been and never would be again a soul like Ciel Phantomhive's. Too bad he never got to feast upon it.

But thoughts of what could never be were not Sebastian's style. He might feed on Ciel's moodiness, but he refrained from displaying such a state himself. Even as Alois began pulling various acquisitions out of numerous bags (a few paid for, most stolen) and flinging them about with exaltations of absurd glee, Sebastian retained his composure.

"This is for Hannah," he cheered, holding up a pair of silver stilettos that might make even Grell totter. "And these are for you, Claude." He tittered happily as he held up a second, identical pair in slightly larger size.

"Look, cosplay!" squealed one of a group of young girls, passing through the food court.

"Which anime is it?" squeaked another.

"i_Vampire Knight/i_?" guessed a third.

"iI like _Bleach_/i better," chimed a fourth as they passed through the food court.

"Oooh, Ichigo is so kawaii!" cheered the first.

"Renji!"

"No, Byakuya!"

Their voices faded as they skipped away. Ciel shook his head and sipped from a straw in an enormous plastic cup of something iced and bubbly. He coughed and sputtered. "What in hell is this, Sebastian?" he demanded.

"I believe it is called Pepsi Cola, young master. A beverage made of made with carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, sugar, Phosphoric acid, caffeine, citric acid and something called 'natural flavors.'" When Ciel glowered, Sebastian rephrased: "Think of it as cold tea with massive quantities of sugar and mineral water."

"Disgusting," Ciel pronounced and crunched a french fry with displeasure instead.

Alois ignored all else but his own booty, unpacking soaps and jewelry and sunglasses and striped knee socks and stuffed toys all over the table and chairs and floor around them. When at last he came to the black Hot Topic bag, he yelped with glee as skimpy My Little Pony boyshorts and red fishnet stockings and a flouncy little lace miniskirt tumbled into his lap. Shoving the clothes into Ciel's arms then grabbing him by the shoulder and rushing him off to the bathroom, Alois giggled wildly. "I love the mall!" he shouted.

As he watched his young master flush with embarrassment and stumble alongside Alois, Sebastian sighed. Claude chuckled and took a satisfying bite of his Big Mac.

"Ah, teenagers, what can you do with them?" said a mother in the table beside them.

"Indeed," answered Sebastian.


End file.
